


Why Must You Kill Us All?

by Light Iniquity (themadlurker)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Early Work, Filk, Gen, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-02
Updated: 2002-09-02
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadlurker/pseuds/Light%20Iniquity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various Harry Potter characters express their disapproval for Voldemort's war efforts. In song form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Must You Kill Us All?

**Author's Note:**

> To be sung to the tune of "Why Must the Show Go On?" by Noel Coward. Originally posted on the now defunct FictionAlley message boards. Archived for posterity.

( **Albus speaking** ) Your quest for some years  
Has been built on the fears  
Of the cowardly Wizarding world;  
Each day must you prey  
On the wizards gone old and grey?  
Just because you're mad  
At your Muggle-ish dad  
Must you act so completely disturbed?  
There could be some things much more tedious  
Than possessing wit, charm, skill and genius.  
When I think of the Muggles  
With all of their troubles  
Who can't even cast a small spell,  
When I think of how pointless  
Are torture and curses  
There's one thing I want you to tell:

 

( **Singing** ) Why must you kill us all?  
It isn't like it's something personal,  
To murder children who are all in all  
Innocent  
All because you resent  
Some fault of their great-great-grandparents,  
 

( **Neville** ) It isn't quite fair  
To give us a scare  
For what we haven't done,  
Because you declare  
With grandiose air  
"Revenge is not yet won!"

 

( **Hermione** ) I'd like to know why you still insist  
On killing those with no way to resist  
Maybe you're evil,  
Or maybe you're just dull  
To all us people,  
Who've seen too many skulls  
And when you're washed up,  
Dried up,  
And thoroughly skeletal,  
Why must you kill us all?

( **Snape** ) Oh Voldie!

( **All** ) Why must you kill us all?

 

( **Lucius** ) Did you really expect  
Your attacks to be met  
With resounding applause from Dark Wizards?  
When what you are asking  
Precludes our plans for relaxing,  
Though we swear fealty  
As happens we really  
Would rather stay home and kill lizards  
And only, in heeding your calling  
Avoid retribution appalling!

( **Draco** ) And must you for starters  
Wear guts for your garters  
As if they were fashionably cruel?

( **Crabbe/Goyle** ) It was once quite sufficient  
To just be proficient  
At cheating in 'fair' wizard's duels.

( **Ron** ) Why must you kill us all?  
You've got to see the odds are stacked against you,  
You might be better off to pack a few  
Bags and go  
Somewhere where stress is low…

( **Draco** ) Yes! I hear it's nice in Mexico!

 

( **Poppy** ) You're tired, you dear,  
I'm sorry to hear,  
It didn't go as planned,  
But won't you confess,  
You do need a rest,  
More than a conquered land?

( **Ron** ) Because you're not being a fair sport,  
By making us play 'Let's fight Lord Voldemort!'  
Hats off to Dark Lords  
Who won't give death a rest,  
But more of us good folks,  
Think Quidditch games are best,

( **Peter** ) And if your maw gapes,

( **Remus** ) Head aches

( **Sirius** ) And hair's slimier than Snape's,

( **Peter, Remus, and Sirius** ) Why must you kill us all?

( **Ghosts of James & Lily Potter**) We can't but wonder

( **All** ) Why must you kill us all?

 

( **Harry** )  
Why must you kill us all?  
Why not just get redemption over with?  
You know it's something you must deal with,  
Dear, so why  
Must you so often try  
To kill us when we don't want to die?  
We know that you're bad,  
We know that you're mad  
With anger, grief and pain,  
But is it quite right  
To go on in spite  
Of everyone's complaints?  
We know you're still filled with boiling rage,

( **Minerva** ) But you're seventy, grow up and act your age!

( **Harry** ) Stop being nasty  
And wash off all the gore,  
Forget your lackeys  
There's always buckets more  
And if you're still cross,  
Your loss!  
If murder's no help at all,

( **All** ) Why must you kill us all?

( **Harry** ) I'm simply asking

( **All** ) Why must you kill us all!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[filk] why must you kill us all?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149333) by [annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annapods/pseuds/annapods)




End file.
